


You over Everything Else

by QuarterToFour



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 07:04:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11375058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuarterToFour/pseuds/QuarterToFour
Summary: Emily has never been logical. Why start now?Or:Me trying to get inside Emily's head after she turns down Paige.





	You over Everything Else

**Author's Note:**

> I've always been a Pamily fan. After Emily chose Ali in 7x15, I tried to capture why Em would choose to continue pining after a gossamer dream instead of grabbing a beautiful reality on offer. 
> 
> This was written before I saw the last few episodes of the season, so this is a one-shot based exclusively on 7x15. 
> 
> I do not own the Pretty Little Liars characters. I just like to vent about them.

That race that night? To Apple Rose Street? You were going to lose. You knew you would because your mind was telling you to pump the pedals faster, but your heart was telling your feet to slow. If fifteen years of playing the A game has taught you anything, it's that your heart rules your choices in a way your mind’s logic could never hope to beat. It's clear from the way that purple tweed bracelet stayed chafing at the wrist for years, from the way Toby Cavanaugh counts you as his first real friend. 

The heart wants what it wants. Your heart has only ever wanted an ice blonde bitch you met back in seventh grade. Alison was your friend, and has always held the promise of ‘something more’ tantalizingly out of your reach. Back when you thought Ali was ‘A’, you would wonder to yourself if this whole game wasn't just a giant demonstration of her ability to leave you in limbo forever, with Spencer, Aria, and Hannah thrown in for kicks. 

So despite the fact that Paige is connected to nearly every too little, too late in your life, your feet slow at the pedals. It's Paige who stops. She tells you she's staying. Her glowing face tells you why. She leans in to kiss you and for a moment, your back in your first car in the school parking lot. She's kissing you and you’re freaking out. Then you remember that this is your girl who got away. You kiss her back. That night, Alison tells you she’s carrying your child.

You go to Spencer. She listens. She helps you weigh the pros and cons. She gracefully avoids the topic of you and Alison, and focuses on You, Alison and a baby. She tells you about the chance she thought she might have with Toby, and how she felt when that chance became a road untraveled. You realize between the third and fourth glass Spencer pours you: you want this baby. 

It's all so fucked up and you don't know how to explain this to Paige. You try to explain that you can keep the baby, and Alison in your life while being with Paige. Paige takes it as a suggested polyamory, which was so not what you were going for, but what it probably would be. It doesn't seem like a bad idea to you, but. Paige was always the logical one in your relationship. 

You will always love Alison the way you could never love me, Paige tells you. She’s right. This child will connect you to Alison in a way your wishful thinking never dreamed up. This child, and by extension, Alison, will always be your first in life, no matter how many kisses you give Paige to make up for it. In the end, Paige leaves to a future that has you on the fringes. 

You wonder if you just made the biggest mistake of your life as you watch her walk out of the Radley lounge. Then, Ali agrees to have your baby and you shove your doubts in the box where you keep the memories of your gold medal Olympic dreams. 

With Paige gone, you turn back to Alison. There’s no expectations. Right now Alison needs you. Your needs don't matter right now. You briefly wonder if they ever will.


End file.
